Stop Judging: 3 ways to a happier you

You don’t need to attend a tribunal to hear judgements being made. All of us take on the role of a judge everyday whether we are aware of it or not. Stop judging!

It’s what society has taught us to do.

We judge other people based on demographics. We label everything we know and do and compare and assess everything around us.

Furthermore, we even judge ourselves and beat ourselves up, when we don’t reach certain ideals or standards.

No wonder many of us have low self-esteem and confidence issues.

I’m sure you’ve heard the saying, you cannot love somebody until you love yourself. Well the same holds true with judgements.

Our judgements of others are often a reflection of our own subconscious self-judgements.

What we don’t like in others, will often be a reflection of our own fears and insecurities.

Let’s take a few common examples.

Say you don’t like somebody based on their political views.

How do you know which views are right or wrong?

What your judgement really reflects here is your weakness of viewing the world in black and white and not being open to alternative views.

Otherwise, say you get easily annoyed at your overly positive work colleague.

Shit could be hitting the fan at work, but your colleague is always jolly and happy in every situation.

What’s wrong with that, why does it bother you?

Well, it annoys you because deep down you have a pessimistic view of the world and you think happiness is something you cannot achieve, when in fact it’s a choice you make.

Self-judgements

Now self-judgements are often a one-sided boxing match.

We cling on to our past and mistakes, because we think situations were either good or bad.

In reality, nothing in the universe is ever good or bad to begin with, until we put a label on it.

Our self-judgements often take the form of ‘I should’.

Maybe ‘I shouldn’t have eaten that cake’. ‘I should start taking things seriously’. ‘I shouldn’t be feeling this way’

You get the point.

But, who is telling you that you should or shouldn’t do things?

When we use ‘shoulds’, it’s very easy to beat ourselves up because we are judging ourselves on a fixed criteria.

So, how do we stop judging others and ourselves ?

1. Become aware

While it’s unlikely we’ll ever stop judging thoughts throughout our lives, it doesn’t mean we can’t do anything about them.

Judging others and ourselves is a habit. Like any other habit, by becoming aware of it and catching ourselves when in judgement, that’s when we can choose again.

The more we become aware of our judging thoughts, the less power those thoughts will have over us the next time around.

Once you catch yourself judging, you’ll find it easier to let go and choose alternative more positive thoughts towards others and yourself.

2. Be kind to yourself and others

We are our worst enemies when we want to be. Why be so hard on yourself?

Forgive your past mistakes and who you were, because you are no longer that person. You are constantly evolving and growing to be a better person in life.

Everything you went through in life good or bad has had something to teach you. Learn from it and give yourself some slack.

Practice catching your judging thoughts everyday and replace them with love and compassion (even towards those you judge to be a**holes).

Ditch the ‘I should’ statements and replace them with ‘I could’. By using ‘I could’ you are opening yourself up to different options and possibilities.

‘I could consider an exercise regime’. Here, you never set a fixed criteria which an ‘I should’ statement would have done. If you fail at it, you won’t feel as bad or judge yourself because it was always an option to begin with.

3. Be patient

Finally, as you stop judging yourself and others, you are taking a big step towards spiritual growth.

However, don’t expect to see progress overnight. Lasting change is a process, which takes time, so be patient!

Keep in mind that progress is never linear. You can easily fall back into old judging ways, which you will do along the way.

When that happens, don’t despair and persevere with your efforts as the reward will be a new, lighter and happier you.


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